This is the story of our beginning, while I was single and waiting on the Lord. At that time, I loved to read the stories of women who had waited on the Lord for their spouse. It was always so encouraging to me. I hope my story is encouraging to another young lady <3
Before James A.:
Freshly out of a broken engagement, I simply didn’t care to
date anyone for quite a while. I had my
own plan. Finish nursing school. Go to
Bible College. Even though I was the one
who had broken off the engagement, my heart was hurting and confused, wondering
“How did I end up here?” There’s a
couple things I learned from that relationship and the broken engagement that I
share with those who are single and waiting:
- For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace- Isaiah 55:12 When we really want God’s will, he will lead us with peace and joy. I had none in the beginning of the relationship but it didn’t make sense, so I ignored it. I ignored it through every stage of the relationship until we were engaged. I ultimately broke it off because the lack of peace was so strong that I just knew this was wrong. Later, I was so thankful for that lack of peace. The Lord used it to lead me towards a different path. Once you know God’s peace, you simply don’t want to live without it.
- Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety Proverbs 11:14 God gives us good, godly counselors to speak into our lives. When you are afraid to ask your godly counselors their advice, that’s a big sign you’re going the wrong way. Another thing to remember is when the multitude of your godly counselors gives you advice, and you go the opposite way, you are likely not safe. I learned this the hard way by ignoring all the godly counsel I received. My heart could have been spared the ache, if I had just listened.
- When people saw the engagement ring they asked me how I knew he was the one. I didn’t. I couldn’t answer honestly. I said yes when he asked me to marry him, because that’s what you do when you’ve been dating someone for a long time. Why would you say no? I should have said no long before the proposal. I should have paused when there was no peace to continue past a friendship. When I was engaged to James later, I knew that I knew. I no longer wondered, “How do you know when it’s the right one” because I just knew. When it was right for me, I no longer needed to ask anyone how they knew it was right, because I knew for myself it was right. That goes back to the peace thing.
- God has a perfect plan, but so often we can’t seem to wait on it. When we don’t wait on it, we mess things up, settle for less. God promised Abraham and Sarah a son. Instead of waiting on God they came up with a way to make it happen sooner through Sarah’s handmaid and ended up with Ishmael. God best wasn’t an Ishmael. God had promised an Isaac. Don’t settle for Ishmael when God has an Isaac for you. Wait on God’s promise in God’s time.
Enter James A, my Isaac:
Shortly after ending the engagement, on my voicemail was a
call from someone I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while. It was someone I knew loved the Lord and
heard from God. I was hurt and
desperately wanted the Lord to make me whole again, to speak a word of life
into me. Maybe James McMenis called
because he had a word of encouragement for me.
It had been so long since I had heard from or seen him. So, I returned the call and left a message on
James’ cell.
He called me and there began a friendship over the
phone. He talked. I listened.
That was pretty much it for a long time.
I wasn’t about to put my heart out there. Not to mention, he knew everything about the
Bible, which was a little bit intimidating.
For ten weeks we talked. I let
him know I was not interested in a relationship. He agreed.
So, after two and a half months of talking on the phone, he
was still asking me on a date and I was still scared to say yes. One Friday evening after school, we were
visiting on the phone and he asked me what my plans were. I told him I had to go get a barrette for my hair at some
point and study for school. He asked if he could take me to get the barrette. Not a date, just a barrette. No pressure, right? Well, with my little scared self, I told him
I needed to call my Pastor’s wife first.
I needed some more counsel. I was
scared out of my own right mind. Even
though I was still in fear, I had learned one thing from my past mistakes. I
had determined that I would make the most of the godly counselors that I had
around me. I realized now that God had
put them in my life for my own good, my own safety. My sweet Pastor’s wife listened to all my
questions, fears and concerns and spoke kindly to me. I was overthinking it and afraid. It was okay to let James take me to get a
barrette. It was just a barrette and I
shouldn’t be afraid. I should have known
that, but in my own fear and messy emotions, I just needed a godly counselor to
speak the obvious to me. Sometimes in
our own emotions, we just can’t see clearly and need a trusted, godly voice to
bring us back.
I called James back. I
wanted to go but we had to make a deal.
We could go together to get this barrette if he would he would agree to let
me be the one to ask him on a date the next time. He would have to wait until I was ready to do
that. I’d be ready when there was an
opportunity for him to meet my whole
family. It would likely be one month before my family would get together
again, for my Mom’s birthday. James
agreed to the deal and said, “But it won’t be a month. It will be next
week.” I was just happy he agreed. He was coming to pick me up. What will I wear or do to get ready? The immediate urge was to get all fixed up,
but I rebelled to that thought really quickly. This was me after a long
day. I’m not going to rush and get all
prettied up. Let him see me like
this. Let’s see if he really likes me,
just plain me. I remember him pulling up
in my drive way and I was nervous because I hadn’t seen him in a long
time. He came walking up to the door in
khakis, a denim-like shirt and a baseball cap.
His cute little smile. I liked
what I saw : ) We had a great time
together just talking and enjoying each other’s presence at Outback and getting
the barrette.
Once again, fear of missing God and getting hurt began to
creep in because I really liked him, but
I just did not want to miss God. Three
days later this is what I wrote in my journal:
“Lord, I love you with
all of my heart. Last night after I got off the phone with James I thought
about calling him back and telling him we shouldn’t talk for a week because I
don’t want to end up liking him if this isn’t my husband. But, I just didn’t feel right about calling
him so I said, “God if he’s my husband, let me see him tomorrow and him
surprise me with a gift.” I knew he was
supposed to go by the hospital today to another floor to visit a patient. Well, all day went by and I was leaving the
hospital & in the parking lot thinking that I never saw him and said to
myself, “Well ok God- this isn’t it.”
All day I had such an expectation about seeing him though. Well, as soon as I leave the hospital, I look
up and he is in my rear view mirror! I
pretended like I didn’t see him, but I was on empty (gas) and had been for at
least two days & I was by the cheapest gas in town, so I had to stop. I did and he pulled in behind me. He pumped my gas then went to his truck,
digging around. I asked, “What are you
doing?” He said, “trying to find
something to give you.” Then he paid for
my gas and gave me a tape! Ah!
Craziness! So we went to Posados,
Baptist Book Store and Walmart together. “
The walls went down a bit after that experience. I never called to tell him we couldn’t talk
anymore. I was still fearful after what
I’d been through before, but at least I felt sure that this was okay right now,
for now. Not to mention that I really
liked him. He was funny. He was a gentleman. He was a leader. I loved his love for God’s Word. He knew his
call and purpose. He loved God. He was witty and smart. He had shared his heart with me over these
weeks and I enjoyed listening. He was
patient, because after all, he was still pursuing me when I refused to go
anywhere with him for two and a half months.
Later, he told me he thought the reason I wouldn’t go anywhere with him was
because I was hiding something about myself that I didn’t want him to see. Like maybe I had been in an accident and
something terrible had happened to me, like losing a leg. He just couldn’t see
why else I wouldn’t go out with him. That
still makes me giggle.
After that experience of me testing or fleecing if this was
God or not, I got real excited and started doing it more. I wanted to be extra sure. However, it never happened again, as much as
I tried. I don’t believe the Lord wants
to lead us by fleecing everything and saying, “If this is your will, Lord, then
please make this certain thing happen at this certain time, so I’ll know.” That hasn’t happened to me often since that
incident. But, in that moment, I was so strong willed and determined against a
relationship but so wanting God’s will at the same time that He chose to speak
to me that way. He knows how to lead us
and He is a good Daddy.
The next test was for my multitude of counselors to approve
of him. Bless his heart. He had to go through a lot for me. Thank God that He gives men a desire to
pursue, because it would have been much easier for James to just give up on me
and find someone else. I had decided
that before I started dating him and falling for him any more, my family who
was full of godly counselors would have to meet him and like him. Not everyone has a family full of godly
people whose counsel they can take. But,
I believe God puts some one(s) in our life who will give us godly counsel. For me, it was my aunts. They had honestly
never led me wrong and always led me to follow God’s will. So, the opportunity to meet them would happen
in one month at my Mom’s birthday celebration.
They could drill him or whatever they wanted. I didn’t care. I just needed to know they were good with
this one. They were my godly counselors
and I was going to walk in safety this time.
Just a few days after our first date, my aunt called and
told me we were going to surprise my Mom for her birthday and move her party up
a month. We would be all getting
together THIS Friday instead of next month.
Just like James had said. James
and I went to the birthday dinner together.
He totally passed that test. Not
only did my family like him, but he really liked them too. And so, it began. The relationship with James that would lead to
our marriage.
We weren’t a picture of complete pre-marital perfection, for
we both had a lot of things to work through before marriage. But we were covered in prayer, covered by
godly counsel, and grew to be covered by love.
It was our beginning.
