Before there was an us

This is the story of our beginning, while I was single and waiting on the Lord.  At that time, I loved to read the stories of women who had waited on the Lord for their spouse.  It was always so encouraging to me.  I hope my story is encouraging to another young lady <3 

Before James A.:

Freshly out of a broken engagement, I simply didn’t care to date anyone for quite a while.  I had my own plan. Finish nursing school.  Go to Bible College.  Even though I was the one who had broken off the engagement, my heart was hurting and confused, wondering “How did I end up here?”  There’s a couple things I learned from that relationship and the broken engagement that I share with those who are single and waiting:

• For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace- Isaiah 55:12 When we really want God’s will, he will lead us with peace and joy.  I had none in the beginning of the relationship but it didn’t make sense, so I ignored it.  I ignored it through every stage of the relationship until we were engaged. I ultimately broke it off because the lack of peace was so strong that I just knew this was wrong.  Later, I was so thankful for that lack of peace.  The Lord used it to lead me towards a different path.  Once you know God’s peace, you simply don’t want to live without it.

• Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety Proverbs 11:14        God gives us good, godly counselors to speak into our lives.  When you are afraid to ask your  godly counselors their advice, that’s a big sign you’re going the wrong way.  Another thing to remember is when the multitude of your godly counselors gives you advice, and you go the opposite way, you are likely not safe.  I learned this the hard way by ignoring all the godly counsel I received.  My heart could have been spared the ache, if I had just listened. 

• When people saw the engagement ring they asked me how I knew he was  the one.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t answer honestly. I said yes when he asked me to marry him, because that’s what you do when you’ve been dating someone for a long time.  Why would you say no?  I should have said no long before the proposal.  I should have paused when there was no peace to continue past a friendship.  When I was engaged to James later, I knew that I knew.  I no longer wondered, “How do you know when it’s the right one” because I just knew.  When it was right for me, I no longer needed to ask anyone how they knew it was right, because I knew for myself it was right.  That goes back to the peace thing.

• God has a perfect plan, but so often we can’t seem to wait on it.  When we don’t wait on it, we mess things up, settle for less.  God promised Abraham and Sarah a son.  Instead of waiting on God they came up with a way to make it happen sooner through Sarah’s handmaid and ended up with Ishmael. God best wasn’t an Ishmael.  God had promised an Isaac.  Don’t settle for Ishmael when God has an Isaac for you.  Wait on God’s promise in God’s time.

Enter James A, my Isaac:

Shortly after ending the engagement, on my voicemail was a call from someone I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while.  It was someone I knew loved the Lord and heard from God.  I was hurt and desperately wanted the Lord to make me whole again, to speak a word of life into me.  Maybe James McMenis called because he had a word of encouragement for me.  It had been so long since I had heard from or seen him.  So, I returned the call and left a message on James’ cell. 

He called me and there began a friendship over the phone.  He talked.  I listened.  That was pretty much it for a long time.  I wasn’t about to put my heart out there.  Not to mention, he knew everything about the Bible, which was a little bit intimidating.  For ten weeks we talked.  I let him know I was not interested in a relationship.  He agreed. 

So, after two and a half months of talking on the phone, he was still asking me on a date and I was still scared to say yes.  One Friday evening after school, we were visiting on the phone and he asked me what my plans were.  I told him I had to go get a barrette for my hair at some point and study for school. He asked if he could take me to get the barrette.  Not a date, just a barrette.  No pressure, right?   Well, with my little scared self, I told him I needed to call my Pastor’s wife first.  I needed some more counsel.  I was scared out of my own right mind.  Even though I was still in fear, I had learned one thing from my past mistakes. I had determined that I would make the most of the godly counselors that I had around me.  I realized now that God had put them in my life for my own good, my own safety.   My sweet Pastor’s wife listened to all my questions, fears and concerns and spoke kindly to me.  I was overthinking it and afraid.  It was okay to let James take me to get a barrette.  It was just a barrette and I shouldn’t be afraid.  I should have known that, but in my own fear and messy emotions, I just needed a godly counselor to speak the obvious to me.  Sometimes in our own emotions, we just can’t see clearly and need a trusted, godly voice to bring us back.

I called James back.  I wanted to go but we had to make a deal.  We could go together to get this barrette if he would he would agree to let me be the one to ask him on a date the next time.  He would have to wait until I was ready to do that.  I’d be ready when there was an opportunity for him to meet my whole family.  It would likely be  one month before my family would get together again, for my Mom’s birthday.  James agreed to the deal and said, “But it won’t be a month. It will be next week.”   I was just happy he agreed.  He was coming to pick me up.  What will I wear or do to get ready?  The immediate urge was to get all fixed up, but I rebelled to that thought really quickly. This was me after a long day.  I’m not going to rush and get all prettied up.  Let him see me like this.  Let’s see if he really likes me, just plain me.  I remember him pulling up in my drive way and I was nervous because I hadn’t seen him in a long time.  He came walking up to the door in khakis, a denim-like shirt and a baseball cap.  His cute little smile.  I liked what I saw : )  We had a great time together just talking and enjoying each other’s presence at Outback and getting the barrette. 

Once again, fear of missing God and getting hurt began to creep  in because I really liked him, but I just did not want to miss God.  Three days later this is what I wrote in my journal:

“Lord, I love you with all of my heart. Last night after I got off the phone with James I thought about calling him back and telling him we shouldn’t talk for a week because I don’t want to end up liking him if this isn’t my husband.  But, I just didn’t feel right about calling him so I said, “God if he’s my husband, let me see him tomorrow and him surprise me with a gift.”  I knew he was supposed to go by the hospital today to another floor to visit a patient.  Well, all day went by and I was leaving the hospital & in the parking lot thinking that I never saw him and said to myself, “Well ok God- this isn’t it.”  All day I had such an expectation about seeing him though.  Well, as soon as I leave the hospital, I look up and he is in my rear view mirror!  I pretended like I didn’t see him, but I was on empty (gas) and had been for at least two days & I was by the cheapest gas in town, so I had to stop.  I did and he pulled in behind me.  He pumped my gas then went to his truck, digging around.  I asked, “What are you doing?”  He said, “trying to find something to give you.”  Then he paid for my gas and gave me a tape!  Ah! Craziness!  So we went to Posados, Baptist Book Store and Walmart together. “

The walls went down a bit after that experience.  I never called to tell him we couldn’t talk anymore.  I was still fearful after what I’d been through before, but at least I felt sure that this was okay right now, for now.  Not to mention that I really liked him.  He was funny.  He was a gentleman. He was a leader.  I loved his love for God’s Word. He knew his call and purpose.  He loved God.  He was witty and smart.  He had shared his heart with me over these weeks and I enjoyed listening.  He was patient, because after all, he was still pursuing me when I refused to go anywhere with him for two and a half months.  Later, he told me he thought the reason I wouldn’t go anywhere with him was because I was hiding something about myself that I didn’t want him to see.  Like maybe I had been in an accident and something terrible had happened to me, like losing a leg. He just couldn’t see why else I wouldn’t go out with him.  That still makes me giggle.

After that experience of me testing or fleecing if this was God or not, I got real excited and started doing it more.  I wanted to be extra sure.  However, it never happened again, as much as I tried.  I don’t believe the Lord wants to lead us by fleecing everything and saying, “If this is your will, Lord, then please make this certain thing happen at this certain time, so I’ll know.”  That hasn’t happened to me often since that incident. But, in that moment, I was so strong willed and determined against a relationship but so wanting God’s will at the same time that He chose to speak to me that way.  He knows how to lead us and He is a good Daddy.

The next test was for my multitude of counselors to approve of him.  Bless his heart.  He had to go through a lot for me.  Thank God that He gives men a desire to pursue, because it would have been much easier for James to just give up on me and find someone else.   I had decided that before I started dating him and falling for him any more, my family who was full of godly counselors would have to meet him and like him.  Not everyone has a family full of godly people whose counsel they can take.  But, I believe God puts some one(s) in our life who will give us godly counsel.  For me, it was my aunts. They had honestly never led me wrong and always led me to follow God’s will.  So, the opportunity to meet them would happen in one month at my Mom’s birthday celebration.  They could drill him or whatever they wanted.  I didn’t care.  I just needed to know they were good with this one.  They were my godly counselors and I was going to walk in safety this time.  

Just a few days after our first date, my aunt called and told me we were going to surprise my Mom for her birthday and move her party up a month.  We would be all getting together THIS Friday instead of next month.  Just like James had said.  James and I went to the birthday dinner together.  He totally passed that test.  Not only did my family like him, but he really liked them too.  And so, it began.  The relationship with James that would lead to our marriage. 

We weren’t a picture of complete pre-marital perfection, for we both had a lot of things to work through before marriage.  But we were covered in prayer, covered by godly counsel, and grew to be covered by love. 

It was our beginning.