View from our suite at Hyatt House downtown NOLA

My experience in New Orleans before and after surgery at Center for Restorative Breast Surgery

***This post is written solely for other women who will be heading down to NOLA & CRBS for breast surgery***Hopefully my experience can help you as you plan your surgery trip***

After hearing about CRBS (Center for Restorative Breast Surgery) in New Orleans & their advanced techniques, I felt I needed to meet with them. After two phone consults, I made an in person appointment to meet with the surgeons (Ordoyne & Trahan).

On this trip, we visited a few potential places we could stay after the procedure. One thing we noticed was that to enter many of the businesses, we had to knock or call and wait for them to unlock the doors. The hotels were downtown and it didn't feel really safe. I wanted to make sure we found a place we felt safe as it would just be my mom & myself. 

NOLA

11/29- Drove to near New Orleans and stayed overnight in Gonzales, LA. It's only about an hour from CRBS & it is a safe area with several hotels near a nice outlet complex.  Most of the hotels were booked that night, but thankfully SpringHill Suites Baton Rouge Gonzales had availability. There are plenty of nice hotels there on S. Cabela's Parkway. I really liked this area! Feels much safer than downtown NOLA & we got to do some shopping.

11/30- Had my pre-op appointments at CRBS beginning at 9:45.  Traffic was crazy going from Gonzales to CRBS and I was already highly stressed because of the upcoming procedure. I decided on that drive that we would not be making that drive again the morning of my surgery. We would find a place closer to CRBS. We were at CRBS all day long. They feed you lunch after your CT scan, but my scan was the last thing in the day (due to personal request), so we were starving. I think we finally left there at 4:30.  At the end of the day, we didn't want to drive an hour back to Gonzales, so I booked a room at The Pontchartrain Hotel.

The Pontchartrain Hotel - It is only a couple blocks from the CRBS, so would be convenient when having to get up super early for surgery the next day. They also have valet Parking so we didn't have to go out in the dark to get to the car.  It is a historic hotel and their sign says they are smoke & pet friendly. They also had a really strong candle burning in the lobby which was rough on my fragrance allergy. I planned to take one last really long bath before surgery that night, but our room only had a shower. It was fine, but I wouldn't stay here again. The valet was really helpful moving luggage & getting our car though!

POST- OP Hotel-  I spent a lot of time researching hotels and B&Bs. I wanted a B&B but the travel coordinator at CRBS really discouraged a B&B because they often won't refund you and aren't able to work with you if dates have to be moved, surgery gets cancelled or any other changes occur. So, I took her advice.  

HYATT HOUSE: We chose to stay at the Hyatt House in Downtown New Orleans.  We visited it first & took a tour. The sales manager (Matthew) was so helpful and I emailed him a couple times. They really try to accommodate CRBS patients, especially if you speak with the sales department. It was only $89/night & we were upgraded to a suite. We had a kitchen, fridge, stovetop, microwave, plates, cups, nice sized shower, living room and 2 queen beds in the bedroom. The Sales Manager told me they would put a shower chair in the shower for us and a recliner in the room.  He also told me about a company called Mr. Wheelchair. They deliver medical equipment and have a electric recliner that they delivered for $150.00 for 4 nights. It was great! That is where I slept and sat. After a previous DIEP patient encouraged me to have 2 people there with me to care for me, I went ahead and booked another regular room at the Hyatt house so that my mom & hubby could rotate getting some uninterrupted rest in the other room. That worked out really well and I think they both appreciated having a space to retreat to at times.

Pros of Hyatt House: 

- Connected to the Hyatt Regency. I walked with my walker here almost every night. There's a nice indoor connection between the two hotels. The Regency also has several restaurants, as it's a conference hotel, but only two restaurants were open. They were nice. The Regency also has a Starbucks right when you cross over from the Hyatt house. My hubby got us coffee each morning. On the same floor as Starbucks, they have a little gift shop full of NOLA merch.

-Starbucks & indoor restaurants

-Good lobby to walk around in. Beautiful views of downtown New Orleans

- The suite was covered in windows of downtown NOLA. It was beautiful and made our room feel much more open.

-They will give you a recliner & shower chair if you book ahead through the Sales Department.

-Mr. Wheelchair company can deliver a power recliner there with no issues & pick it up as well. Super convenient.

- Hyatt House served a breakfast that was a little different because of Covid, but so much better than the bag breakfast many hotels are now serving. They give you a choice of drink, choice of main meal and fruit/yogurt as well.

-They have a wheelchair that they can send down via security for you to use to get from front door to your room. I brought a walker that had a spot I could sit on if needed, so I just used my walker for most of our stay at the hotel. It was great b/c I could sit anytime when I got a little tired or needed a break. 

- Doordash- I had never used this before, but it was amazing & they delivered everything from cough drops from Walgreens to delicious cajun meals each night. A family member gave us a $200 email gift card to door dash & that was the best gift ever!!

-Catty Car Corner Restaurant- right out the front door of the hotel. Next door. Super convenient, close, & open for breakfast and lunch. Home cooking, lots of main courses, as well as sides to choose from. My hubby loved this place!

Cons of Hyatt House: 

- There was no valet parking, so if it had just been my mom with me, I would not have felt safe for her to go alone into the parking garage. Thankfully my husband came to stay with us, so this wasn't an issue.

- It's a little tricky to check in. You have to buzz the hotel or use your room key for them to open the door at the street. Once they open the door, you take an elevator up to the hotel lobby and check in. Then you take a different elevator to your room. 

As long as my husband came along, or if they got valet service working again, I would totally stay at the Hyatt House again.

Pharmacy:  We used the Walgreens that is just a couple blocks from the hospital (CRBS). However, being that this is downtown and there is a huge homeless population, Walgreens does not have buggies or baskets for anyone to use. This place was a little iffy, but we went during the day right after my discharge to pick up the prescriptions my mom had dropped off earlier in the day. My husband & mom were in the store and left me in the backseat with the car running. We parked next to a really old police car, that I honestly don't even know worked and I never saw a policeman. A gentleman came out of Walgreens and just started going to a few cars trying to open car doors, including mine.  Thankfully ours were locked. A little unnerving, but he finally left, totally not concerned with the 1980s police car next to me. After this trip to Walgreens, we were at the hotel and could just door dash things from Walgreens.

Mr. Wheelchair- This company was recommended by Matthew at the Hyatt House. They delivered an electric recliner & picked it up. I was worried if they would actually deliver it, as I never received a confirmation email. But they delivered it and then called after I left hotel to ask which room I had stayed in so they could go pick it up.  It cost us $150 for 4 nights. Mrwheelchair.com 

I had a good experience and I think the Hyatt House with it's conveniences, nice views, Starbucks, next door cafe, restaurants & Matthew in Sales, was a great choice! 

When Your Very Best is Still a Mess

We all want to give our children our very best, but what about when even that is a mess?

I’m praying for you, Mommas. This is not an easy task, raising these babies.  Sometimes it can feel as though we are taking one step forward and two steps back, but be encouraged. There is hope even in what we label as our failures, because the Lord can come in, show his grace and mercy and make things work for good in both us and our children’s lives.  You are not alone.

All moms feel a mess at times!!  I am so thankful for and inspired by the moms who are willing to share their struggles right along with their victories. We can be real, be vulnerable, & know we have God on our side and that he has given us His Spirit!  When times are challenging and the enemy whispers that I'm failing at this mom thing, here is what I cling to:

All the goodies

We all know about the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness & self-control (the goodies).  Of course we would all like to have ALL those ALL the time.  I mean, we all get upset with ourselves when we lose our temper with our children, are too busy to sit down and listen to what they have to say, or are just moody all the time. But how in the world can we share all that good stuff with our family when we don't even have it inside of ourselves? Thankfully, God’s word tells us how to not just have those goodies, but to be filled with the Spirit.  Filled with the Spirit that has all the kindness, joy, peace where it just overflows onto everyone around us.  That's so much better than me trying my best to squeeze out one more drop of a nice word or smile before I just go off.  I want the goodies to overflow from deep within <3 

Ephesians 5:18-21

—  be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Being filled with the spirit so that we walk in love, joy and peace, etc, happens  by speaking the WORD, singing worship songs to the Lord in our heart, out loud, all the time and by giving Him thanks.  —We can do that!  Instead of spending our time worrying, stressing, and over-analyzing our situation, we can to intentionally place our mind on what the Lord is telling us to do right here. Every time you feel yourself begin to worry, that’s your signal, to begin praising, giving thanks and speaking the Word.  We can do that!

The Warrior Mentality

 The Word of God is our Sword - we fight many battles and win when we meditate on the God’s promises and speak them over our children.  Your tongue speaking God’s word over your children is your greatest weapon against the enemy and for God’s will in your child’s life. Don’t forget to use it —eeeerrrry day!

Ephesians 6:13-17

¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

¹⁴ Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; ¹⁶ above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. ¹⁷And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God

Praise & Worship is a lifeline

Sometimes we just need to make ourselves take  our eyes off of our mess and force ourselves to focus on to his goodness!  He can change our circumstance & for sure will change us as we are in his presence. I have been strengthened, healed and made whole in a moment of worship. In God’s presence I am reminded that the battle is His & not mine.  He’s the Almighty & I can trust him.  — He takes all the pressure off of me & gives me rest.

Learning to receive

Listen, there’s times I would NOT have made it without my people coming beside me and just being there. Period.  All the faith in the world and God still makes us need people.  That was a hard pill to swallow, and still is at times, but the sooner we learn that we need people, the sooner we can walk in the God's goodness that is stored up in people! As moms who provide everything for everyone, we find it much easier to give help than to receive it.  Biggest thing I can tell a mom who is struggling is to ask for help, girl and when someone offers help, accept it. For real though.

Galatians 6:2

  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 

Emotions can't steer this ship. We've got too much riding on it.

Our emotions are NOT trustworthy and if we make decisions based on emotion, regret is sure to follow. We all need a friend who will tell us the truth (based on the Word of God), even when it’s not what we want to hear.   A friend who will tell us the hard things and love us at our worst. We all need godly counsel at times.  We need someone( who can look objectively and spiritually into our situation and speak truth to us. Seeking counsel is not a sign of weakness, but  it’s about being self-aware of our own existing weakness and desire to be obedient to the Word of God.  

Where there is no counsel, the people fall;

But in the multitude of counselors there is safety. (Pr 11:14)

Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6)

As we sum this little bit up, I think you are amazing for being a mom after God’s heart, for seeking to grow as a woman and mom, for wanting what’s best for you children and seeking God for what that is.  Before we are anything else to anyone, we are God's daughters.  That's our #1 identity. We are His. For every flaw you feel you have, there is a grace and mercy to cover you all the while causing you to grow from glory to glory.  The picture at the bottom of this blog was the inspiration for this post, and a quokka is a real thing. So even on your worst day, remember you're better than a quokka ; )

Because God’s got us, we got this. 

Love you, Sister. 

Chrissy 💜

Is God holding out on you?

Have you ever wondered that?  Wondered if there's another way, a better way than God's way? I sure have. In the middle of a hard season, of just trying to be obedient to God and wondering how long will it take for Him to do something in this situation.

The enemy has worked since the beginning to convince us that God is holding out on us.  He did it with Eve and he does it with you & I today. Think about Eve. Satan’s message of, “Oh God doesn’t want you to eat that tree because he knows you’ll be so wise if you do. God’s holding out on you.  Life is better when when you do it your own way, not God’s.”  The Bible is filled from cover to cover of examples of the temptation that something outside of God’s will is better.  The world today is filled with those same messages, making sin look so tempting.  Through music, movies, television, sin is glorified. Lust is luring.  We hear, “Why wait on God’s will, when you can do this right now and have pleasure today?  God’s just holding out on you.”

The Bible is also filled with examples of what happens when we make one of two choices:  

1. to stay within God’s will, or  

2.  to turn our back on God’s will for something we’ve come to believe is “better”

Saul thought pleasing people would be better than pleasing God.  David had to have another man’s wife.  Jonah thought going his own way was better than God’s. Sarah thought God’s promise was taking too long, so she took matters in her own hands.  Even the prodigal son thought taking his Father’s inheritance, leaving his father and doing his own thing with it now was better than just being with his Father.  They were deceived to believe that something was better than God’s way. Saul lost his kingdom and his mind; David lost his son; Jonah got swallowed up; to this day the world suffers for Sarah’s choice; and the prodigal son found himself living with pigs.  

The enemy is still working today to convince you and I that a different way other than God’s is better.  He desperately wants us out of the will of God.   What better way for Lucifer to get back at God, the one who kicked him out of Heaven, than to convince us, the ones God gave his own son for, the ones he laid down His life for, not trust Him and His ways.  We are surrounded by temptations every day.  The enemy whispers, “God’s way is not the best way.  This way is better, quicker and more satisfying.”   The enemy is a good liar, “for he is a liar and the father of it” (John 8:44).

God is so good, he loves us so much and His ways are for our benefit.  He loves us and longs to bless us, just like we love our own children and want to be good to them.  That’s why it’s so hard when our own children make bad choices, because we long to bless them.  But when they disobey,  we can’t give them the great rewards that we are wanting to give them.  We are teaching them, for their own good, so we have to wait until they obey us to reward them.  Can you imagine your child running and playing on an Interstate and then you running out there and giving them a bicycle and balloon?    Ridiculous, right? Yet we sometimes expect God will do that very thing when we are living recklessly and disobediently.  We give our children boundaries and when they stay in those boundaries, they are safe.  We can then bless them with more freedom and things when they are obedient and honor us as their parents.  God is a better parent than we could ever be.  He gives us boundaries.  He tells us the consequences of our choices before we make them. Then he loves us enough to let us make our choices. “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live”  (Deuteronomy 30:19).  He wants us to choose life and blessings, but he still gives us the choice.  

I’ve yet to see an example of choosing something outside of God’s plan work out as better.   I’ve seen brokenness and I’ve seen pain. I’ve lived the brokenness and lived the pain of choosing my own way.  We all see the consequences of selfish choices.  We see it within our own families, on the news, and even in the division within our  country.  The pain of living outside of God’s will.  The consequences of hate, lust and greed. His will for us is good, yet so many don’t know him or even for those of us who do know him, we are tempted to believe our own will is better than His. We are tempted to believe He really can’t be fully trusted. And then we and others suffer for it.   

He’s such a good father to us that even when we blow it big time, he’s waiting to welcome us back.  Like the prodigal son, when we realize we’ve really messed up and find ourselves knee deep in our own shattered life, surrounded by pigs, we turn back to Him and there he is, arms open wide, looking right in our eyes, not with shame or disgust, but with limitless mercy and joy to have us back.   Joy.  With us covered in pig dung, he looks at us with mercy and joy.  He takes our hand, puts his coat on us to cover our shame, and walks with us on the journey to restoration.   This is the beauty of the love of our Father.  He loves us big.  He teaches us Truth.  He gives us his Spirit to convince us of His ways and empower us to walk in them. He lets us make our choices, even if it means turning our back on him.  He also lets us walk in the consequences of our choices.  But, at any moment we are ready, he welcomes us back to him.  He’s a good, good Father.  

Have you seen the blessing of obedience in people’s lives?  Growing up, I was surrounded by family that loved God and had chosen to follow Him.  The Bible talks of generational curses and generational blessings. “ …and showing lovingkindness unto a thousand generations of them that love me and keep my commandments” (Exodus 20:6).  I’ve had the joy to walk in a generational blessing because those before me chose the Lord and his way above all.  They paved the way.  It made my journey easier because I could see the blessing and had examples of how to walk that way.  But in reality, not everyone starts out in a life of blessing. We have no choice in the family we’re born in or whether we grow up knowing the love and blessing of God or knowing only brokenness and pain. 

Those in a family who are the first to make a decision to trust & follow Jesus - they are the warriors. They are like brave explorers and pioneers entering an unknown land.  A land covered with thorns and thistles. And yet, they believe it can be a land of promise, prosperity and blessing.  With their minds determined and their heart set, they choose blessing and obedience when all they’ve been surrounded by is curses and sin.  They embrace the promises of God, one by one, day by day.  They clear the land so that a new life can begin. They uproot the unholy things that surround them (Ecc. 3:1-8).  They tear down the golden images of greed and lust that have been worshipped.  They do demolition to the things of the past.  I see them as warriors, suited up in the armor of God and carrying the sword of the spirit, the Word of God, doing some serious battle.They begin to build altars to the Lord.  Where there was greed, they uproot it and choose to sow generosity.  They give big. Where there was pain and hard hearts, they break down those walls and choose forgiveness and allow God’s love and word to break up the hard ground in their hearts so faith can grow unhindered in this place.  They love big and choose peace.  Where lust had taken over like vines weaving through every growing, living thing, they cut them at the root, pull them down, and look up to see the beauty of what’s before them, pure and true. They can see clearly now.  They make a decision to not allow any wicked things before their eyes in this new land.  Daily they feed on the Word of God, not taking for granted its power.  Then they sow faith and love and wait expectantly to see the harvest of this holy seed.  At first it’s only soil and seed.  No fruit to see.  Just dirt. But they keep their eyes looking to the one who has promised.  They sow and wait.  Sow and wait.  While they wait, they go back to the word and build their faith. Patience keeps them. Day by day. Then one morning they awaken to tiny sprouts of new life in this place they have toiled over.  It looks so small, but watch out because it’s growing.  Life giving fruit is growing in this once treacherous land. This is new life.  This is our choice. This is the power of the blessing. This is only the beginning. 

They keep embracing the Word of promise as they wait. Keep sowing and watering with faith and love. Because in time, those seeds  will grow fruit that will be packed with ten times the seeds that they started with.  Soon, as far as the eye can see there is life-giving fruit. Blessing surrounds them. People will come and see and wonder how this happened.   People will eat from this fruit as it is shared with all who come around. They have the opportunity to tell them of the goodness and plan of the Lord. These are the warriors that change future generations.   These are the people who are convinced that the Lord is worthy to be trusted; that his way is best.  They have made a decision.  They won’t look back.  

You have been called out of darkness, into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). You are called to know him - really know HIM (Phil 3:10). You are called to trust him (Prv 3:5). You are called to wear the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-17). You are called to walk in blessing (James 1:25).

My prayer for you is that you know the love of God, how unfailing his love is for you.  That you know his will for you is good. That you love him with all your heart, soul and strength. That you trust him and trust his heart for you.  That you trust any boundaries he gives you is for your good.  That you choose him. Every day, over and over. That you reject the whispering lies of the enemy that God is holding out on you, that there’s something better.  I pray you are strong in the Lord and the power of his might.  I pray he surrounds you with people who will walk alongside you & fight with you. That you tear down that which needs to be tore down and that you have the strength to sow new seeds of faith and love, to build a godly legacy.  And lastly, even when you forget all that and blow it big time, that you remember how great His love is for you and that He is still waiting for you with open arms and so are we, your family of God.

My One Thing

Drawn into the Heart of the Father

You made me

You formed me

You breathed life into me

You created me to need you

You kept me when I was lost

You see me when others do not

You protected me when others would harm me

What the enemy’s used to destroy me, you’ve used to refine me

You know me, every inch,

The visible and hidden

You draw me

You wash me from the filth

You are jealous for me, for all of me

You burn out my impurities

You won’t let hate or jealousy stay in me

When I’m full of myself, you empty me

When I humble myself, you exalt me

When I’m wrong, you make me confess

You convict me without condemning me

You provide a way out

You build me up

You show me the way, for you are the way

You fill me with truth, for you are the truth

You show me eternal and abundant life, for you are that life

You lead me in peace

You are my safe place, my refuge

You are my potter; I am your clay

You take my ashes and give me beauty

You take my confusion and give me peace

You hold my heart during heartache

And when it’s heartbreak, you gather the pieces and make me new

You surround me with warriors of truth

You hide me under the shadow of your wing

You are the healer of my body,

You are my deliverer

You are my power to overcome

You are the love I am seeking

You are the soundness of my mind

You are the song I sing

You breathe peace into me in the midst of uncertainty

You make even the bad, work for my good

I can trust you

You never change

You never lie

You never leave

You never stop

Your love is forever

This love is everything I was created for

To receive it and to give it

I am yours, forever

I hear you calling me

I hear you drawing me

To you, Lord, I will come

With you, Lord, I will stay

You are my one thing

My heart is in your hands

I give you all of me

Every hope, every dream,

Every hurt and every fear

I lay at your feet

You cause me to arise in faith

In you I overcome

You cause me to walk upon the high places

You fill me with your spirit

Through you, I can do all things

You give me the victory

You plant dreams and visions in my heart

You bring them to pass

In your heart, I have found my home

With you I will stay

With you I will remain

With you I will abide

You, Jesus, are my one thing.

Before there was an us

This is the story of our beginning, while I was single and waiting on the Lord.  At that time, I loved to read the stories of women who had waited on the Lord for their spouse.  It was always so encouraging to me.  I hope my story is encouraging to another young lady <3 

Before James A.:

Freshly out of a broken engagement, I simply didn’t care to date anyone for quite a while.  I had my own plan. Finish nursing school.  Go to Bible College.  Even though I was the one who had broken off the engagement, my heart was hurting and confused, wondering “How did I end up here?”  There’s a couple things I learned from that relationship and the broken engagement that I share with those who are single and waiting:

• For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace- Isaiah 55:12 When we really want God’s will, he will lead us with peace and joy.  I had none in the beginning of the relationship but it didn’t make sense, so I ignored it.  I ignored it through every stage of the relationship until we were engaged. I ultimately broke it off because the lack of peace was so strong that I just knew this was wrong.  Later, I was so thankful for that lack of peace.  The Lord used it to lead me towards a different path.  Once you know God’s peace, you simply don’t want to live without it.

• Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety Proverbs 11:14        God gives us good, godly counselors to speak into our lives.  When you are afraid to ask your  godly counselors their advice, that’s a big sign you’re going the wrong way.  Another thing to remember is when the multitude of your godly counselors gives you advice, and you go the opposite way, you are likely not safe.  I learned this the hard way by ignoring all the godly counsel I received.  My heart could have been spared the ache, if I had just listened. 

• When people saw the engagement ring they asked me how I knew he was  the one.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t answer honestly. I said yes when he asked me to marry him, because that’s what you do when you’ve been dating someone for a long time.  Why would you say no?  I should have said no long before the proposal.  I should have paused when there was no peace to continue past a friendship.  When I was engaged to James later, I knew that I knew.  I no longer wondered, “How do you know when it’s the right one” because I just knew.  When it was right for me, I no longer needed to ask anyone how they knew it was right, because I knew for myself it was right.  That goes back to the peace thing.

• God has a perfect plan, but so often we can’t seem to wait on it.  When we don’t wait on it, we mess things up, settle for less.  God promised Abraham and Sarah a son.  Instead of waiting on God they came up with a way to make it happen sooner through Sarah’s handmaid and ended up with Ishmael. God best wasn’t an Ishmael.  God had promised an Isaac.  Don’t settle for Ishmael when God has an Isaac for you.  Wait on God’s promise in God’s time.

Enter James A, my Isaac:

Shortly after ending the engagement, on my voicemail was a call from someone I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while.  It was someone I knew loved the Lord and heard from God.  I was hurt and desperately wanted the Lord to make me whole again, to speak a word of life into me.  Maybe James McMenis called because he had a word of encouragement for me.  It had been so long since I had heard from or seen him.  So, I returned the call and left a message on James’ cell. 

He called me and there began a friendship over the phone.  He talked.  I listened.  That was pretty much it for a long time.  I wasn’t about to put my heart out there.  Not to mention, he knew everything about the Bible, which was a little bit intimidating.  For ten weeks we talked.  I let him know I was not interested in a relationship.  He agreed. 

So, after two and a half months of talking on the phone, he was still asking me on a date and I was still scared to say yes.  One Friday evening after school, we were visiting on the phone and he asked me what my plans were.  I told him I had to go get a barrette for my hair at some point and study for school. He asked if he could take me to get the barrette.  Not a date, just a barrette.  No pressure, right?   Well, with my little scared self, I told him I needed to call my Pastor’s wife first.  I needed some more counsel.  I was scared out of my own right mind.  Even though I was still in fear, I had learned one thing from my past mistakes. I had determined that I would make the most of the godly counselors that I had around me.  I realized now that God had put them in my life for my own good, my own safety.   My sweet Pastor’s wife listened to all my questions, fears and concerns and spoke kindly to me.  I was overthinking it and afraid.  It was okay to let James take me to get a barrette.  It was just a barrette and I shouldn’t be afraid.  I should have known that, but in my own fear and messy emotions, I just needed a godly counselor to speak the obvious to me.  Sometimes in our own emotions, we just can’t see clearly and need a trusted, godly voice to bring us back.

I called James back.  I wanted to go but we had to make a deal.  We could go together to get this barrette if he would he would agree to let me be the one to ask him on a date the next time.  He would have to wait until I was ready to do that.  I’d be ready when there was an opportunity for him to meet my whole family.  It would likely be  one month before my family would get together again, for my Mom’s birthday.  James agreed to the deal and said, “But it won’t be a month. It will be next week.”   I was just happy he agreed.  He was coming to pick me up.  What will I wear or do to get ready?  The immediate urge was to get all fixed up, but I rebelled to that thought really quickly. This was me after a long day.  I’m not going to rush and get all prettied up.  Let him see me like this.  Let’s see if he really likes me, just plain me.  I remember him pulling up in my drive way and I was nervous because I hadn’t seen him in a long time.  He came walking up to the door in khakis, a denim-like shirt and a baseball cap.  His cute little smile.  I liked what I saw : )  We had a great time together just talking and enjoying each other’s presence at Outback and getting the barrette. 

Once again, fear of missing God and getting hurt began to creep  in because I really liked him, but I just did not want to miss God.  Three days later this is what I wrote in my journal:

“Lord, I love you with all of my heart. Last night after I got off the phone with James I thought about calling him back and telling him we shouldn’t talk for a week because I don’t want to end up liking him if this isn’t my husband.  But, I just didn’t feel right about calling him so I said, “God if he’s my husband, let me see him tomorrow and him surprise me with a gift.”  I knew he was supposed to go by the hospital today to another floor to visit a patient.  Well, all day went by and I was leaving the hospital & in the parking lot thinking that I never saw him and said to myself, “Well ok God- this isn’t it.”  All day I had such an expectation about seeing him though.  Well, as soon as I leave the hospital, I look up and he is in my rear view mirror!  I pretended like I didn’t see him, but I was on empty (gas) and had been for at least two days & I was by the cheapest gas in town, so I had to stop.  I did and he pulled in behind me.  He pumped my gas then went to his truck, digging around.  I asked, “What are you doing?”  He said, “trying to find something to give you.”  Then he paid for my gas and gave me a tape!  Ah! Craziness!  So we went to Posados, Baptist Book Store and Walmart together. “

The walls went down a bit after that experience.  I never called to tell him we couldn’t talk anymore.  I was still fearful after what I’d been through before, but at least I felt sure that this was okay right now, for now.  Not to mention that I really liked him.  He was funny.  He was a gentleman. He was a leader.  I loved his love for God’s Word. He knew his call and purpose.  He loved God.  He was witty and smart.  He had shared his heart with me over these weeks and I enjoyed listening.  He was patient, because after all, he was still pursuing me when I refused to go anywhere with him for two and a half months.  Later, he told me he thought the reason I wouldn’t go anywhere with him was because I was hiding something about myself that I didn’t want him to see.  Like maybe I had been in an accident and something terrible had happened to me, like losing a leg. He just couldn’t see why else I wouldn’t go out with him.  That still makes me giggle.

After that experience of me testing or fleecing if this was God or not, I got real excited and started doing it more.  I wanted to be extra sure.  However, it never happened again, as much as I tried.  I don’t believe the Lord wants to lead us by fleecing everything and saying, “If this is your will, Lord, then please make this certain thing happen at this certain time, so I’ll know.”  That hasn’t happened to me often since that incident. But, in that moment, I was so strong willed and determined against a relationship but so wanting God’s will at the same time that He chose to speak to me that way.  He knows how to lead us and He is a good Daddy.

The next test was for my multitude of counselors to approve of him.  Bless his heart.  He had to go through a lot for me.  Thank God that He gives men a desire to pursue, because it would have been much easier for James to just give up on me and find someone else.   I had decided that before I started dating him and falling for him any more, my family who was full of godly counselors would have to meet him and like him.  Not everyone has a family full of godly people whose counsel they can take.  But, I believe God puts some one(s) in our life who will give us godly counsel.  For me, it was my aunts. They had honestly never led me wrong and always led me to follow God’s will.  So, the opportunity to meet them would happen in one month at my Mom’s birthday celebration.  They could drill him or whatever they wanted.  I didn’t care.  I just needed to know they were good with this one.  They were my godly counselors and I was going to walk in safety this time.  

Just a few days after our first date, my aunt called and told me we were going to surprise my Mom for her birthday and move her party up a month.  We would be all getting together THIS Friday instead of next month.  Just like James had said.  James and I went to the birthday dinner together.  He totally passed that test.  Not only did my family like him, but he really liked them too.  And so, it began.  The relationship with James that would lead to our marriage. 

We weren’t a picture of complete pre-marital perfection, for we both had a lot of things to work through before marriage.  But we were covered in prayer, covered by godly counsel, and grew to be covered by love. 

It was our beginning.